Forgotten

Recently I have been watching a show called Nashville and the superstar Juliet is rude and hateful towards her mother. Come to find out her mother was on drugs and was sometimes physically abusive. I have to admit that I started bawling when I seen her mother’s face. The actress did such a great job projecting the pain her character felt. The mother had got clean and was trying to gain Juliet’s trust again. Her love again.

I didn’t just cry because of how great the actresses were playing their roles, but because I used to be “Juliet”. I had forgotten how hateful I was to my own mother. It wasn’t until I was 18 and left for college did I realize that my mother was on drugs. most of my childhood I just assumed she had anger issues and would get sick often.

For years I was hateful to my mother and said some of the worst things to her. I hated her for the things she was doing on drugs like stealing, selling things off, bringing random guys home while my father was in prison and getting my brothers hooked on drugs. I blamed her for everything bad that happened that year and everything that happened the years to follow.

The anger I felt towards her became a weight and later caused me to be an angry, hateful person. I carried that hatred for 6 years to the point it killed me to be in the same room as her. In all honesty the disrespect I showed her should have got me knocked into next week. It wasn’t till last year did I finally let that anger go and apologize to her for my year of poor behavior. I did not want the past and what I could not change to continue to make me a toxic person. I asked for her forgiveness on Mother’s Day, which she gave.

Till this day I could not tell you were my mother is. Till this day I can not remember a single good moment with her. It is as if all my hate and anger buried the memories in a fire that took me way too long to put out. I forgot what it is like to have a mother in my life. I forgot what it is like to love my mother. I forgot what it is like to hug my mother.

Thanks to a 2 minute clip on Nashville, I am reminded of how poorly I acted as a young adult. Take my word for it, it is not worth all the energy and hate. I have learned from my mother’s addiction and from my anger, on what not to do as an adult. If I could go back in time I’d spend less time being so hateful and rude to her.

Chapter 27 is a project put together to show parts of my life, my adventure. Each section like “Forgotten” is merely a paragraph to this chapter I call life. Care to join my adventure ……

Has a TV show ever triggered a memory that you had long forgotten? Tell me about it in the comments or submit your story to Charlene@curiosityandconfession.org I would love to hear from you all.